What The Heart Wants

It is often said, WYSIWYG. What you see is what you get. Can the same logic apply in saying, what you want is what you get? More specifically, “what the heart wants is what the heart gets”? when pondering on whether or not to start this blog, I knew it meant opening myself, showing my raw side, the side that people rarely get to see. In this post, I think I’m about to do just that.

There are many things my heart has wanted, but not quite gotten. Those I have gotten, well, are more than I could have ever expected to receive. For a long time, I craved acceptance, despite my own shortcomings and faults. My heart yearned not to be a pariah, alone, or even rejected. Then my heart was warmed by the loving grace of Christ. The day I decided and said in my heart to God, I know I have done a lot in my life that haven’t pleased You. I thought that by doing them, I’d be welcomed into the fold. Yet it only drew me further from those whose acceptance I wanted. But now I come to You, o Lord, asking that You will make me clean and new and whole again. Dear Lord, I pray, come into my life. Make me new, make me whole and cleanse me of all my sin. Take me as I am and mould me into what You want me to be. In the name of Christ I pray.

There and then, after that simple prayer in faith, I clearly heard His voice say to me, My child, welcome. Such a warm, loving, tender voice; one that actually meant those words.

Since then, I’ve known what it is to be accepted, no matter who you are or what you’ve done. Christ has taught me to accept myself as a mere human, fallible and prone to error, yet fully aware that His hand will guide me in all situations, not my own strength. That’s why I say, I am made strong in my weakness, perfect in my imperfections, because of His grace. So it has been since then, I’ve been my Father’s child.

I asked for parents; God gave me friends and mentors who happen to be my parents. I couldn’t have been more blessed than having parents who have guided me so well in matters of the faith, while letting me discover the joy of being in the Lord as His Spirit leads me, not as they lead me.

I asked for friends; the rest is history. He has given me friends who are not only well grounded in Him, but take me for who I am, even after knowing me for who I really am. An awesome youth group at church, good fellowship in school… the list is endless.🎉🎊👯

I could go on and on about what my heart has wanted and I got, but there are things I have wanted and still not got. Rather, still to get. One thing I’ve really wanted is to have a meaningful relationship… ok, read between the lines, a girlfriend. Yes, I have never had one… ok, I have, but they didn’t quite turn out as I expected. There comes a time I meet a girl and I’m like, Whoa! Perfect!, but then, it ends quite unexpectedly. Crush, infatuation, swooning, drugged… call it what you may. We have all had that, rather those, moments in life.

However, twice have I felt real tugs on my heartstrings whenever I meet, talk and become friends with certain young ladies. The one that still sticks till today was one to whom I opened up my heart to.

I could be myself and care less. She’d cry and rant and rave and I’d patiently bear it. Since we were far apart, it put some real emotional strain cause we both felt a real soul connection, one that literally transcended oceans. Till today, I still feel my spine tingle when I recall the day I read her text in which she declared how much she loved me, and desired to be with me.

There it was, simply put. What my heart had wanted to hear, but couldn’t get. And somehow, it hurt me that she was hurting, due to unavoidable circumstances that could not let us be together. I couldn’t stand the fact that she was the one really getting hurt. I thank God she was, and still is, super sensible; she didn’t want to get hurt as well. We both mutually decided to pray over it, ask God if it was right for us to evoke emotions that were not necessary.

It wasn’t.

What I want most in life is to please Him, and it didn’t seem OK for me to induce feelings that I knew would never be physically expressed. That would be selfish of me, trying to bend His will for me to my own advantage, instead of letting Him guide me.

It ended, sad to say :'(:'(. Even the most beautiful rose will eventually wilt away. My heart was screaming for days, You idiot! You had a chance to make this work for you, and all you did was blow it away. I was in turmoil. Most nights, I could barely sleep, listening to my heart repeat those words to me over and over and over again. I kept on asking myself, Why? Why cant something as beautiful as that be included in God’s great plan for my life?

I recalled the famous promise in Jeremiah 29:11. He knows. He knows what my heart wanted, but in His plan for me, He must have greater things in store. Things so beautiful and wonderful that all I have passed through will be a distant memory :).

WYSIWYG. That hold true for some salespeople. I’d say, from God’s perspective, WYDSIWYG. What you don’t see is what you get.
🎶Great and mighty things He has in store for us; things that our eyes have not yet seen. If we call on Him, He will answer us, and show us great things not yet seen.🎶 

In essence, what the heart wants is not always what the heart will get. I’m learning to wait on the Lord to provide that which my eyes nor heart have not yet seen.

And not just sitting as if waiting for an angel to drop from heaven, by the way 😂😂😂. Faith without actions is dead (not sure if I’ve misused that verse). Still searching, but fully trusting in the Lord to give according to His will for my life.

Again, I say, what the heart wants is not always what the heart gets.

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